The Prince’s Diary – 18th Entry

Camping in Groen

A lot of people like to go on camping trips. I am not one them; unless I’m going with a group of friends, a lot of food, commodities and specially booze. Well, this camping trip promised to be just the worst experience ever. I couldn’t even bring with me any insect repellant or toilet paper! What was my father thinking?

The voyage to Groen was quite silent. I could see the blue green planet staring back at me once I was close enough to enter it’s orbit. I began my descent to the planet’s surface and soon I was landing on the perfect spot for my punishment. The camping spot was located beside a lake, with enormous trees surrounding it. The lake was filled with life and so were the woods surrounding it. I could only hear birds and other kinds of animals screaming and making all sorts of noises. It was quite beautiful for any person who might care for nature and it’s stunning landscapes. But I wasn’t interested in that. I could only think of a way of surviving those three days without ending up with a serious case of withdrawal symptoms.

Two hours after landing I’d already scouted my perimeter and started to install my tent. It was midmorning in Groen when I finished settling my camping site. A few hammering on the floor and once on my thumb was all it took to complete the installation of the tent. After cursing the day my father was born I arranged my other stuff . But there was one thing that I had to do, and it was to learn how to hunt for my food. At first, I had no idea of what I was going to eat until I saw a big fish taunting me from the shore. It was jumping around the water like making fun of my misfortune.

“Oh, you are soo going to be my lunch!” I yelled pointing at it. So I rapidly took out the string and with some metal wire made an improvised fishing pole. Soon I was taking off my shirt, boots and pants to go near the shore where I found some bait. After throwing the fishing pole into the water, I proceeded to wait. The damned fish was no where to be seen! Was it playing me? So after waiting a good hour, I decided upon a closer approach with my main course.

I looked for my lazon sword and went into the water. There I stood completely still waiting for the chance to stab my prey. The waiting seemed to take an eternity all because my stomach kept growling all the time. But the waiting paid off big time… Ten minutes later, my lunch’s body twitched while it was pierced across with the lazon blade. For a brief moment I felt like the king of Groen. Boasting aloud my prowess to every animal that could hear. But I stopped short when I saw a black bear standing beside my tent, voicing his challenge to me.

“Oh my,” I thought. “This just got better (smirks) and my lunch just got bigger.” All I could see was a huge pack of meat with a nice fur to keep me warm at night. So I threw the fish from my lazon sword and charged against the black bear. Hey, if I could kill robeasts in the arena at Doom; a black bear should represent no challenge to me. And I was sure it wasn‘t going to be challenging, actually, I thought it was kind of fun. But there was a little problem, that specific bear wasn’t stupid at all. As soon as he saw the lazon’s brightness and heard the hum of it’s blade, I assume he suspected that it wasn’t going to be a good news for him. All because he started to run like a whore running from a cop‘s raid. I stopped chasing when the bear went through some thorn bushes, my almost nakedness impeded me from getting into that mess of pointy branches.

I cursed my father’s birth date once again and later returned back to where I first discovered the bear watching me. The fish I previously hunted was lost from sight and I found myself cursing once more. I had to start the fishing all over again….

That first night was simply horrible! The noises coming from the woods were simply intolerable. I couldn’t shut my eyes one bit…besides that, the bugs were having their August sale biting my skin. I cursed my father so loud that the animals in the woods suddenly stopped their racket just to wonder what kind of new animal was raging like that.

The next morning after breakfast, I dared to wander around the woods, but not too far. I didn’t want to get lost on my second day of camping torment. But after a few turns, I found myself desperately seeking my way out of the continuing line of trees. Everything around me just looked all the same. I looked for my compass which showed me the way to the north so I followed the path to the east. And when I reached to the lake’s shore, I found out that my camping site was all the way around the other side of the lake.

How did this happen? I have no fucking idea!! Maybe it was because I didn’t sleep at all and the lack of rest was making me feel confused and restless. I cursed my father’s birth date once more and decided to walk beside the shore just to make sure I didn’t get lost again. When I reached to the tent, I went inside to see if I could rest awhile.

Well, apparently I did…because I was abruptly wakened up by a thunderstorm. The rain was pouring and the winds were menacing to take my tent down. Fortunately inside my tent I was dry, but by the way things were developing, I honestly didn’t know for how long I could resist that atmospheric disturbance. I don’t know if this happens to everyone else, but every time it rains, I suddenly feel the urge to pee. Well, this time was no different. I was undecided to go outside to get wet, but I just had to. The urge was getting stronger every second. After I was outside standing on front of a tree, getting all soaked by that heavy rain, I thought: “What the heck! I might as well take a bath right here and now.”

But then it happened…I felt the urge of making number two! Under a storm and no toilet paper! I cursed King Zarkon for all he got… That night was another horrible experience. I went to sleep all wet, relieved from some basic needs but needing others. I really, really needed a drink! I started to daydream that I was in my harem being caressed by my beautiful servants. I closed my eyes, so that I could picture myself in my own world. Being adored by my girls. I could feel their warm bodies heating mine and their tongues licking me all over. It got pretty real when their tongues were licking my legs. It was ticklish, but it was real.

I opened my eyes and saw a wolf’s bright eyes staring back at me while it licked my leg. Shit!! I yelled to scare it away: “Go, go! Get the fuck out of here!” The damned wolf just got out of the tent, but stood in front of the tent just looking at me. What the hell? I yelled at it again and then it ran into the darkness. I couldn’t believe my luck.

I awoke early that next morning…yes, the last day of my punishment. At least it wasn’t raining anymore. But the landscape was all wet, and in disarray as evidence of that previous night’s stormy weather. I felt sick, skinnier, tired and in a terrible mood. Even my hair was all tangled up. I was so mad at my father for doing this to me. I went to fish for my breakfast. Oh… and I swore then and there that I would never eat fish again!!

I was desperately wanting to go back to my quarters on Doom. I spent the rest of the last day getting ready for my journey back home. I would have to leave during the afternoon, so I could complete the three days and be back in time for my royal duties the very next day. I knew my father well, he wouldn’t let me rest once I reached Doom. I cursed the day my father was born…again. He all but made me hate him for yet another reason. A little of my anger subsided once I was back on Doom, getting a hot tub bath, drinking a cup of wine and being pampered by my harem flowers. I really missed that. I was so mad at my father, that even my dinner was served in my room at my request. I didn’t want to face my father even if it was the last thing I could ever do.

But then I thought hard about this. Did I learn anything from that trip to Groen? Of course, one could say that I learned to survive in a wild untamed world. But no, I did not consider that my main lesson from this experience. I, myself are wild and untamed so I knew right from the start that I would live those three days of camping. Something I did learn from my trip to Groen…yes, and it was a thousand new ways of cursing my father’s birth date. I could hardly wait for him to croak!

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